So, every year, I think of this wonderful day with the girls bringing me pancakes in bed like on one of the many freaking commercials that are on the air in the weeks leading up to Mother's Day. And every year, I end the day with an overwhelming sense of being let down. I don't know why I still have this expectation. Maybe it's because it's the one day of the whole flipping year where your husband, your kids, hell even your own Mom can say we appreciate all that you do!
That being said, this year - like all the rest - I was soaringly underwhelmed. We headed out to my favorite brunch place (I made the reservations, I got everyone ready..you know the drill). We had a wonderful brunch..until.. well until my husband says "I was thinking about getting you . . .". The rest doesn't matter because I tuned out and was so ticked that I didn't hear it anyway. He is notorious for this. He was thinking that he may blah, freaking blah, blah for me for Mother's Day. Only one problem IT IS FREAKING MOTHER'S DAY. So you weren't thinking you would, you just didn't.
He would argue that he sent flowers on Friday from him and the girls, which was super nice (although it was his way of breaking the ice on a week old argument, but it still counts).
Insertion: There is a website where married women go looking for affairs. The #1 day for women to sign up is the day after Valentine's Day, the #2 day is the day after Mother's day. Not advocating, just a simple point to show that it's not just my husband, but an epidemic of thoughtlessness.
Is it too much to ask to go to the girls and ask what gift that they would like to get me? Inevitably, it will be some ridiculous item, but it's the thought that counts, and it's sweet because it came from the kids in their tiny little minds. OK, my 6 YO wants to get me a shake weight, but outside of that the bright pink, ginourmous, ugly earrings are super sweet coming from a kid who thinks Hannah Montana is a fashion icon. But not this year, this year I got a "hey, I was thinking of getting you . . ." followed up with a "I guess I'll take the kids to my mother's house." So yea, I sat by myself on mother's day. It was nice at first. I ran to the gym, to Target, to the grocery store, but then as I sat in the house alone I thought, is this how it should be?
To end this tirade and also explain where exactly I am coming from, my husband (the day after Mother's day) bought himself a pair of Costa Del Mar's. The really sad part is that I had mentioned wanting a pair of sunglasses for Mother's Day and thought that he bought them for me.
Here's the thing guys: We aren't asking for much. Seriously, not much. It's more about the gesture.. that you get that we do 10 fold what you do because we are the Mom. And hey, we are fine with that BUT on the ONE day out of the whole damn year where you have an opportunity to express that, DO IT.
Well that's the thing. Maybe YOU do 10th times more than your hubby but that's not automatically the case. It certainly isn't with me. Besides, the attention moms get in May is WAY more than dads get, so I have a hard time working up much sympathy.
Posted by: Daddy Files | May 17, 2010 at 09:03
Daddy Files-
Your right most Dad's do WAY more than Mom's most dad's are the one's making sure the kids are wearing the class shirt of field trip, taking off and going to previously mentioned field trip AND making sure the room mom has the $10 for the class gift AND that they are signed up for cheerleading 4 months from now and run by the office and pay for it AND make the doctors apt AND take the kids to the doctor AND order the swim team swimsuit AND sign up for the 10 different Day Camps we will be attending this summer AND make sure that they are all paid for...see these are all things that I have done this morning with out a thought from any one else. I don't need recognition because I am the mom and this is what we do..
WE BIRTHED THEM (make sure you get this one), Sorry to trump you there, but THAT is why the May celebration is a bigger deal than June..We have to carry them for 9 months and then get them out of us..we grow their arms and legs and make a favorable environment for growing delicate brain cells..do I need to go on or do you want to tell me how you do more than Mom's? That sympathy that you were talking about..yea I don't feel for you either.
Posted by: angryworkingmom | May 17, 2010 at 10:12
The difference is I didn't ask for sympathy.
Yes, you give birth. No, I can't even if I wanted to (and I don't). All I was saying is that a lot of dads absolutely do all those things and more. And many of the ones who don't take care of all the minutiae, are very appreciative of their wives who do. And not just on Mother's Day either. I'm sorry your husband doesn't fall into that category. But please don't lump the rest of us in his category, because yours is the kind of antiquated mentality we involved dads have to overcome.
Posted by: Daddy Files | May 17, 2010 at 12:34
Right...... It's absolutely the norm for Dad's to do more than Mom's!
Furthermore I don't think that you can call reality antiquated..it is what is
Thirdly, didn't ask for sympathy...I asked for a Mother's Day gift
Posted by: angryworkingmom | May 17, 2010 at 15:37
Do flowers not count as a gift? I understand him buying some rad glasses the day after mothers day probably sent the wrong message, but, I thought flowers were considered a gift, if not THE gift for Mothers Day including that time he took the kids out of the house for a sanity break for Mom?
Posted by: James | May 17, 2010 at 17:07
I get that, I do.. The background story is that we were in a earth shattering fight...they were totally an ice breaker... We both ackowledged that 2 days before..
Its so funny how men and women differ- he was probably thinking- Ill give her a break.. I was thinking ... Ok everyone just left..
Posted by: AWM | May 17, 2010 at 17:49
great post. i think your husband and my husband should get together and go golfing. i may have written that once before here. your husband bought sunglasses. mine bought running shoes. priorities, right? that website info does not surprise me. i'm not really disappointed in my husband, but i was hoping for a little recognition from him. yes, i'm not his mother, but still. he did get our son to make me a card and bought a few balloons for me {i was with them at the time}, and that was sweet and all, but i went out monday and bought myself a ton of stuff to make up for mom's day. why? well, our home is currently on the market. my husband has been in his new territory for over a month, leaving me on my own during the work week. BTW, i have big respect and admiration for single moms and dads. i can't imagine being a single parent. it's been hard on me because i'm doing everything. everything. to get our house ready, i spread 8 yards of mulch and raked over 60 bags of leaves and hauled them all to the dump. i cut down branches and picked up old limbs and sticks and hauled all that away, getting bruised, bitten, and scratched in the process {almost losing an eye}. from realtor interviews, paperwork, to school functions and doggy poop patrols, i'm doing it all. i've done all the home maintenance while caring for the dogs, our kid and keeping the house spotless on a daily basis in case of a showing. i had been complaining to him about my back, and dropped hints at how nice a mother's day gift certificate for a massage would be {he did this for me, on his own, back in '06 when we moved to SC and i was doing everything, including packing, by myself then}. i had assumed he heard my hints. what happened this friday? i threw my back out. coincidence? i think not. a massage may have prevented it. thanks for sharing your story and i'm positive next year your mom's day will be super-special. take care, AWM.
Posted by: kiki | May 17, 2010 at 20:54
Yes they should and while they are golfing we should grab a cocktail! I'm first glad to have a woman's perspective on this one! I agree, agree, agree! It's the same situation..it's not dissappointment really, it's just a little bit of a let down. I love that you were with him when he bought the balloons (men are just wired differently, I guess). He probably thought he rocked that! Oh and I totally went out Monday and bought my own REALLY nice gift. I thought well if no one else is going to do it... And yes the Sunglasses were what prompted the post. It was that he didn't have the time or energy to think about Mother's Day but by noon the following day had scoped out a $350 pair of Sunglasses, found the store that had them and as wearing them by lunch time!??
On a separate note all together...whoa! You are doing A LOT! A lot with a kiddo at home too! I think you need to get a massage just to take care of your self! Good luck with the house and thank so much for the comment!
Posted by: angryworkingmom | May 18, 2010 at 00:22
I get it! It is bad enough that we moms have to plan our own mother's days but why can't dads buy a little gift "from" the kids? If it were not for school art projects we moms would never get presents! Take those shades from him and trade them for your own pair! Tell him you forgive him for buying you the wrong style, and that you exchanged them for some you like better.
Posted by: Cathy B | May 19, 2010 at 08:26
Eureka! Some one get's it!!!
Love the idea of swapping them and "thinking" it was a mistake! I went and bought a watch I have been wanting for a long time! I think Wow, I'm an awesome Mom every time I check the time LOL!
Posted by: angryworkingmom | May 19, 2010 at 08:38
I LOVE THE DEMOTIVATION POSTER! And I hear you, I actually wrote the same kind of post for every mother's day. I go so far as to say that I hate mother's day because I inadvertently am disappointed year after year. LOVE the title of your blog. Me too. I am one too. Always happy to find prove out there that I am not alone in feeling this way.
Posted by: subWOW | Jun 10, 2010 at 22:06
subWOW-
First- thanks for getting it! Second- Angry is so misinterpreted but yes I am an Angry working Mom and there are a lot of us out there so never, never feel like you are the only one! Welcome ;)
Oh and love your Jr. High post- don't worry..he will survive, but as an American kid who went through it..I can't say it will be unscathed. There might be a bump along the way but it will all work out! Jr. High for me was win Giant, hairspray hair and the MC Hammer/Madonna look where in style...a few fashion misses, but we all survived!
Posted by: angryworkingmom | Jun 11, 2010 at 09:06
I admire your talent! For your opinion! I am in favor of ah! You are very powerful
Posted by: retro jordan 5 | Aug 06, 2010 at 00:53
Mothers always helps one child to enhance its talent.
Posted by: security system | Mar 16, 2011 at 02:05