No one knows guilt like the working Mom. A whore in church has nothing on this Mom. It's something that we try to push back and not think about but it's always there chomping at the bit to bring even the strongest to their knees.
There are too many stories to share. It's an every day occurrence. My 1 YO is well one and you think whoa, this has flown past and I wasn't there for every single second of it. My 6 YO says Mom are you coming to field day? Well honey let me check the almighty calendar..No, I'll be in DC on field day.
From the over compensating weekend craft-a-poo-looza to the over the top parties I throw for the neighborhood kids it's all about guilt; so when I heard the following my heart melted and I had an all time low moment.
I over heard a Mom talking about my kid. First I normally would have flown in to "Momma bear" mode and taken the Bee-yatch down but this time she was really talking about me. The conversation went something like this: "Are you inviting (my kiddo) to the party"? Well my daughter asked me to but no I'm not. The other lady: "Why not"? Well her Mom works..oh yea the other woman says back. She was referring to the logistics of pick up etc and how I couldn't make a 3:30 play date happen.
This 1st really pissed me off, but after that it made me think. I am being judged in a way I had never even known about and it was hitting me in nads. The thing is this: I can't do anything about this. I can't fix this and I can't change it. It is what it is.
So as a working Mom with aforementioned self-imposed guilt trips galore I just go on, do the best I can, know that I am working (it's not like I put my kids in daycare to go to lunch or play tennis) and make our reality the best that it can be.
Calm down. Take a deep breath. Think about all your great Mommy moments that you have so carefully packed away to peruse at times like this. Remind yourself how much you love your kids. And how much they love you. Then hug 'em and go out for ice cream.
Posted by: Kami | Apr 30, 2010 at 10:02
Guilt is just something you get automatically after you give birth. I would rather get an extra hand, but that's not how a mother nature works... I am a SAHM and I DO have less things to feel guilty about, but I just had a conversation with another friend about all the great people we admire in our lives or wish our children would grow up to be like them. And what do you know - almost all of them grew up with working moms, very little money and none of them went to private schools. Just saying...
Unrelated note - my other friend recently went back to work and was calling me crying on her way to work after she dropped off her kid at the day care. My heart was breaking for her. I truly have nothing but respect for all working moms - you have 2 full-time jobs and deserve all the good things out there.
Posted by: mrs.notoching | Apr 30, 2010 at 18:45
Mrs. Notouching- I totally agree that the guilt thing is built in after giving birth!
Its rough to leave the kids but excellent point on fabulous women who turned out just fine and their moms worked!
Heck my mom worked and I didnt think about ... Im well adjusted (relatively speaking)!
Posted by: AWM | Apr 30, 2010 at 20:13
I know exactly what you are talking about. The guilt can be fierce. But then I have to take a step back and realize, this really isn't that unusual. The problem is that I am surrounded by moms that don't work...I see it...it is right in my face. I have been on both sides, so can see the good and the bad. I think something right in the middle would work the best (at least for me). Unfortunately so many things are made for moms who don't work. Games right after school, school parties during school, etc. It is like they think everyone has the job of a teacher. Just have to grin and bear it and remember you are not alone. :)
Posted by: Gen X Mom | May 10, 2010 at 14:13
Rock on Working Mom! And there is nothing like the pain of thinking your kid is being left out. THE WORST! Me? I'd like to have taken your sleek pump off your foot and . . .well, never mind. But you know I love ya!
Posted by: Dee Dee | May 14, 2010 at 12:20
great post. sorry you had to hear a comment like that. i have been a SAHM for 5 years and i look forward to returning to work when my kiddo is in school full-time this fall. financially, i was able to stay home with my son after he was born. yes, we live paycheck to paycheck, but for now it works. at the time, over 1/2 my paycheck would have gone to daycare {not including fuel and supplies for daycare} and we couldn't rationalize me keeping my job. i have a lot of guilt about not working, only having one child, family drama, etc. guilt is horrible. i hate it. wish i could block it out. i've been working on not letting it control me and moving on from it. it's hard, but necessary. i remind myself that it is "me and my family. no one else. and i need to take care of me, too. we are doing what is best for our family." take care, AWM.
Posted by: kiki | May 17, 2010 at 21:15
Kiki-
Man we beat ourselves up, don't we! Thanks for the comment..It's so interesting how we both have such guilt for opposite reasons! I think your right- it's our family! We do what we works for us!
Posted by: angryworkingmom | May 18, 2010 at 00:11
Followed a link on another blog to yours... Glad to know it's not just me. I am friends with moms who almost ALL stay at home and it's hard to explain the guilt.
Posted by: Joanna | May 25, 2010 at 08:10
Joanna!
Hey there- glad you visited! Hope you like what you see! We are in a class all by ourselves when it comes to guilt! I'm not only a working mom but one of those mom's with the "man-type" jobs. So there is a lot of hours, the pressure is immense and I often just can't be at everything. I am the one that the day care workers judge for picking up 2 minutes to 6 every single day. If there's one thing I could eliminate in life it would be the guilt..
I'm confident that I've made the correct decision for our family however the thought of my kids missing out (on anything- big or small) is unbearable. That being said I have 2 of the smartest cookies on the block..I had one at work with me today and she said Mom..when can I go back to school? I am missing out on our craft today and we are learning about the thorax of an insect.. Um, OK honey,..googling Thorax of an insect
Posted by: angryworkingmom | May 25, 2010 at 09:50