Angry Working Mom

Nothing funny about it!

Nothing funny about it..

It's been a while since I've posted anything. Usually I write on a funny happening with me, the kids or the husband. Typically there is endless material, and I choose something crazy to write about.

Lately there is no funny. I have been in a foul mood. My husband is going back to working 60+ hours including nights and every single Saturday of our lives. The hours suck! S-U-C-K. He has done this for 6 years in the past, so I know what I am in for..exactly what I am in for. We have tried not to do this for the past 18 months and now we just have to.

I just don't know how this is going to work or how my sanity will survive this. I work A LOT and often travel overnight.  Pretty much goes like this: I will now be the sole caregiver for the kids after working a hellish day myself. I will be irritable and angry all of the time, and overall life will suck. He will miss every single soccer game, gymnastics event or whatever for the rest of our lives.

To sum it up, I did this with 1 child. It wasn't ideal, but I made it work. With 2, I just don't know how I will do it. I mean dragging my 1 YO to everything for my 6 YO (which is now late at night when the baby will be asleep).  Really?

I'm going to need a day or two to mourn my sanity...

Facebook, say what?

Holy Shit- I must get 10 of these a day..the facebook status update. Marley is taking a nap; Tommy is fussy today; Lauren has a cough; little Timmy is making mommy want to slit her wrists; I just wiped John Marc’s ass… ok, maybe I went a little too far, but you know what I'm getting at - you’ve been on the receiving end.

 

Some of these are from my friends who do have a life (I know that they do). We all started off in the same place and somehow drifted so far apart in our lives that I look back and think how the hell did you end up this person? For the record, I am not getting at the people who say "just got back from a fun day at the amusement park..Tyler had so much fun he puked on the tilt a whirl". This is an actual activity and I find that funny and truly enjoy the update. What I am getting at are the women who, instead of taking time to say something relevant about themselves, somehow have nothing else to say except "my kid is taking a nap."  I guess I would prefer to read "Johnny is taking a nap. I am currently cracking open a beer, putting on Oprah and trying to forget what drove me to the beer, because it’s about to start again in T Minus 1 hour," but hey, maybe I am a little too real..

 

Dear Neighbors...

  A letter to our neighbors:

Dear neighbors,

Please excuse the toilet on our front porch..we're not rednecks, just remodeling... No letter in the mail box needed..

Revision: Neighbors..please excuse the fowl mouthed yelling that came from our house a few minutes ago. That was my husband as he dropped the old toilet down the steps into 1000 pieces in our front yard. He is now covered in toilet water, picking up pieces that were once a toilet. Feel free to stop and wave!

The preceding two notes were posted on Facebook during a recent remodel.

My poor husband..

We are no longer able to "outsource" everything, as we once were, so when I get a remodel project in my head, guess who gets to do it. You guessed it: Hubs. My husband and I are very, very different. I get a great sense of accomplishment from home improvements (especially when we do them ourselves). Him, not so much. He tries to AVOID, AVOID, AVOID at all costs. Of course, it's me who comes up with the idea that suddenly that bathroom that we've been living with for 5 years MUST be changed before my youngest's 1st Birthday Party. That's rational, right?

He works all the freaking time (wait, so do I), so I am the one who has painted, well..every room in our house. I have tiled the kitchen floor, repainted cabinets, venetian plastered walls, taken down wall paper in more rooms than I would like to admit, changed every light fixture in the house (ok, ok my Dad did that, but to make the point - my husband didn't) and re-sodded 5 pallets of grass by myself.

This time, Hubs had some time off so he very hesitantly did the remodel. The calamity that ensued was just too funny not to mention. That toilet was just the beginning! We had a vanity that was cemented in the floor, seriously they set the cabinet in and then poured cement in to tile the floor. Seeing my husband rip, saw, jerk, kick and beg that thing out of the floor was awesome (And a little hot..honey I hope you are reading). Anything that could go wrong did. But in the end, after a couple of cursing fits, 3 weeks, and a lot of together time, Mr. and Mrs. Fix it completed a bathroom (5 minutes before party time).

Oh..and the best part: I think my husband felt that sense of accomplishment too. . . or at least he said he did after I asked him for the 225th time!

Bringing Sexy back

So it's Spring Break and my 6 YO old is out of school. All of the warm weather plans were shot to hell as it's been 42 and raining all week here in the Deep South. Side note: Dear Al Gore please come visit and bring back the warmth! If I hear "unseasonably cool" once more I'll vomit! So all of that to say this: My bored to tears Kindergartner is throwing a kink into my work week and my posts. So I'm stealing a funny from an email a friend sent me. I shot soda out my nose when I read it!

The Black Bra (as told by a woman)

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been
married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided
to amaze our men by greeting them at the door
wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over
our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

Here's how it all went.

My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he
found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos
and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams.
I love you..' Then we made passionate love all night long.
 

The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was
wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and
mask over my eyes.. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word,
but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.


Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra,
black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.
When he came in the door and saw me he said,
“What's for dinner, Batman?"

Mom needs to take her own advice

On a recent car ride to gymnastics, my 6 year-old asks me about curse words. Her question was: a boy in her class says "curse words". She thought that the word "curse" was bad (not that it referred to another set of "bad" words). She was very confused, and as the conversation progressed I said "well darling, there are swear words which are those really bad words that you know not to say and then there are words that aren't swear words but we just don't say them". I thought there; that should explain it. Yea... She proceeds to say, "but Mom if they aren't bad words, why can't I say them"? Oh boy. I proceed to say "Honey, we want to be classy and lady-like and there are some words that you could say, but you wouldn't want to, because they would indicate that you don't carry yourself in the way that you would want." Interjection: Who am I talking to here - a 6 year old or an 80 year old grandma? Any who, the universe threw me a curve ball as a car almost hit us. I slammed on the brakes and yelled oh @#*&%!!! Luckily, I caught myself (somehow I have been able to curb my foul mouth in front of the kids) and said "Frujudgenet" or some other variation of my favorite swear word.

To summarize..Mommy needs to take her own advice or she will come off as one trashy, classless lady (or non-lady).

Work life balance. What asshole coined this?

Work life balance..What asshole coined this?

So now I have to worry about Work life balance. I didn’t have enough on my over filled plate (off of which I serve homemade cookies) to my daughter. Must feel like I kick ass on the Mom front..No chance in hell SAHMommy is going to one up this over achiever. So let me get this straight now I have to consider whether or not I am balancing the 2 very different psychotically busy ½’s of the woman who is me. It wasn’t enough to try to have it all, do it all and fall short. Now, I have to hear and believe there is this imaginary entity that is Work Life Balance, that this in some way exists..that if I were just a little more perfect that I could have this wonderful Shangri La of an existence where I am 100% Mom and 100% Career woman and I take time to do both perfectly. Something else to live up to? Really Mr. Asshole? I know that it was a man who came up with this Bull Shit Concept! So what your saying is that in addition to trying and I used the word trying because no one lives up to this to make it happen every day in the career world and trying to make as many things happen for my kids so they never feel like they have a second rate childhood compared to my friends who stay at home..in addition I've got to take time to "balance"? What does that even mean?

I have a wonderful Mentor who I respect, but have to pull out the Bull shit card on this one. He actually teaches a course at the company on Work life Balance. He’s the CEO and from an outsiders vantage this seems like a generous concept. Oh, the CEO is on-board with this concept. In reality or actuality as I like to phrase it I am in sales in that organization. We work until 7 most nights, up checking email at the crack of dawn and yes we are the people on our Blackberries during the dance recital (not my daughter’s portion of course the other 8 hours you are forced to endure). So to you too Jim, I love you, I respect you but Fuck off. Stop perpetuating this myth! BTW there are no men who feel guilty by not balancing! This falls squarely on the shoulders of working moms!

I will stop this tirade with a pass for all of you. We are never going to be able to “have it all” you can have it all, but from my experience not at the same time. Go with it, do the best that you can and for God’s sake stop beating yourself up!