Angry Working Mom

Dear FIFA: Can I have my husband back?

It only happens once every 4 years, so I really, REALLY try to be patient with the constant soccer craze that ensues at my house during the World Cup.

And OK, OK, it isn't that hard to watch a bunch of HOT Fut ballers sweat and grunt for hours..well at least the first week. You see, my husband is obsessed with all things World Cup. For instance we have to watch the Americans (obviously), but he HEARTs the Nederlands and then, of course, we have to watch the favorites and well you get the picture. He tivo's it all and then tries to avoid the out come like a nut job. He avoids all media outlets and all friends who want to get crazy fut ball guys opinion on the game du jur.

Between the damn horn that sounds like the worlds largest Hornets nest and the length of each game..I'm over it! I'm over him waking up 2 hours early to catch the Dutch team and thinking I won't hear the HURRRRRRRR of previously mentioned horn; I'm over watching the game over kiddos head during game night; I'm over G-O-A-L in the middle of the night; I'm over baby-girl yelling GULL and throwing her hands up (ok, that part is super-duper extra cute)

All of this I'm over, but I do have to say that I hold a special place in  my heart for World Cup. He and I have been through a lot as a married couple, A LOT. Cancer scares, degenerative diseases, a broken liver, losses of jobs, financial devastation..you name it. We have also been through 4 World Cups, FOUR! As I think back on this crazy journey and marvel that we've made it through (well any of it) I can't help but think back to that 1st World Cup when we were dating, it was new and I too HEARTED World Cup, because he did.

Guest Post: The Other Side of the Coin. Yes, Now I Work From Home - as a stay-at-home mom

So I thought it would be an awesome idea to have my girlfriend Angela guest post on AngryWorkingMom. You see, she is a former AWM who now stays home…talk about perspective!

Ok, this is the deal.  I am an attorney by trade.  Did the whole law school thing, passed the bar (yes, on the first try) and then worked as a criminal prosecutor for 11 years.  For those who are unsure, that means I put away bad guys for a living - though I use the words "for a living" lightly.  When I told one of my friends how much I made annually after being in the same office for over 10 years, she was appalled. No, not triple figures; in fact, not even close, my friends.  Don't get me wrong, I really did love my job. That's why I did it for so long.  I felt valued.  Also, I really truly liked all of the people in my office, which is certainly not something that everyone can say.  But then, I quit.  You might be a bit baffled by that statement after I just told you I loved my job and liked the people I worked with.  So, why did I quit? 

My kids.  

I NEVER, EVER envisioned myself as a stay-at-home mom.  In fact, I hate to admit it now, but I really sort of looked at stay-at-home moms with scorn and pity.  I would see them dropping their kids off at daycare in their little workout outfits or tennis skirts and think how sad and pathetic that was and how much better I am in my suit going to work to save the world.  

Acquaintances, who were stay-at-home moms, would mention how busy their day was as we chit chat after dinner in the yard while our kids played: first they walked the dog, went to the tanning salon, had their nails done, picked up some groceries and then their child got off the bus.  I thought to myself, "Oh really, well I got up at 5:00 am, worked out, spent the day in court to put a child molester in prison for life, picked up my kids at 5:59, got groceries, made dinner, folded a load of laundry, bathed and read to my kids and put them to bed.  Then I did another 2 hours of work on my files.  So take that stay-at-home mom."  Of course, I never uttered those words to those acquaintances (notice that I don't say friends - I didn't have time for friends 'cause I was a working mom) but just gritted my teeth and shook my head in disdain at her lack of goals.

To explain, I ran into my 1st grade teacher a few years ago, and she told me that I was the most competitive kid she had in her class in over 20 years of teaching.  I have always been that way.  I have to be the best at whatever it is I am doing.  And I feel like I have managed to do that pretty well through college and into my career.  I was good at my job, I mean really good at it.  So, you can imagine how hard it was for me to quit, right?  It was the hardest decision of my life.  It took me two years to actually pull the trigger to do it. 

For the first 5 years of my oldest son's life, I didn't feel the guilt nearly as much.  I was a career woman, for pete's sake, with a very important job.  I knew he was in a great preschool and figured he had a great time playing with friends all day.  What could be better, right?  At least, that's how I justified it to myself maybe.  Of course, I was dropping him and our younger son (3 years younger) off at 7:30 every morning and I was always the crummy mom running in the door at 5:59 to pick them up.  And, of course, they were usually the only 2 left there sitting at the front door with the school director.  That's always a nice fuzzy feeling.  (FYI: the school closed at 6:00 and you would get docked $5 for every minute past that.)  

But that's not what made me quit.  It was my oldest son's kindergarten year that pushed me over the edge.  When your kindergarten child asks you for about the 5th time, "Mommy, why don't you ever get to go on field trips with my class," it kind of gets to you.  I didn't have the kind of job that I could take a long lunch and go on a field trip or help with the class Valentine's Day party.  I was in the courtroom and wasn't in control of my own time.  If court was in session, I had to be there.  So, after missing the Zoo field trip, the class Halloween party, the class Christmas party, the Firehouse field trip, and the end-of-the year Field Day, I realized I was missing out on way too much of my kids' lives.  

My career was SOOO important to me and my identity because of the competitive person that I was, but I began to realize that I was going to look back in a few years and my kids would be in intermediate or middle school and I would have missed all those little class parties and field trips and I could NEVER EVER get them back.  Selfishly, I wanted to keep my important and challenging job, but knew that the right thing, the selfless thing, to do was to quit and stay at home with my kids.  It still makes me shudder just a little bit to say those words, even though it's been exactly 3 years since I made the momentous decision.  

People ask me all the time if I miss my job.  Honestly, yes I do.  I miss the challenge and the adult interaction and the feeling of accomplishment.  And although it was meager as a state employee, I also miss the paycheck.  But, do I regret the decision?  Not for a minute.  I now am confident that I did the right thing for me and especially for my kids.  I am home when they get off the bus in the afternoons.  I have time to help them with their homework.  I can always go back to work if I want to when they get older, but I can never get these years back with them.  

I know that it's not for everybody and that not everyone has the luxury of being able to quit their job for financial reasons.  But in hindsight, it was the best thing I have ever done for my kids.  And me!  

What your kids think about you

I would like to think that my kids think many things about me (and hope that they don't notice a couple of things). I hope that my 6 YO thinks that her Mom is strong and successful and in that she sees that she can be or do what ever she wants (she wants to be a pirate at the moment). I hope that she thinks that I am loving, nurturing and that she can confide in me. I hope that she knows I would do anything for her, and that she knows that I break my neck to make it to her school events. I hope that she thinks that I'm smart and funny and maybe even hip. I hope that she thinks a lot of things.. So when we had a recent Mother's Day Tea at school and she wrote an across poem "M.O.T.H.E.R"  I laughed pretty hard at the words that came to her mind when she thought of her Mother.

M- My Mom is pretty (so sweet)

O- Oranges (she said - you do like those ,right?) No not really, but hey O is hard!

T- Takes me to the movies (True)

H- Hugs me a lot (LOVE, LOVE that she put this..I smother her with my hugs all of the time)

E- Enjoys TV (This is where I just have to say Huh? I never get to watch TV..EVER)!

R- Reads to me every night (I love reading time every night..I'm out of town a lot and this is what I miss most)

First, Hey kiddo that TV comment (in front of the entire class) cuts your ole' mom deep. But, second is a whole other issue. Why is it that the only comment that I focus on is the one that I perceive as negative. Why don't we as moms think about the positive that our kids see instead of the one negative.

On another funny note the kids made place mats for us that had fill in the blanks. Quite funny!

My Mom's hair is: Blond

My Mom is 23 years old (add about 10 yrs to that)

My Mom weighs 24 pounds (well what can I say..My kid knows that flattery is the quickest way to Mom's heart)

My Mom makes the best brownies (true, true)

My Mom is the best because she takes me places with my friends

How stinking sweet is that!

So the take home of this story for me is this: the homemade brownies, the crafts, the gourmet meals, the organic produce, shuffling back and forth to everything thing that we shuffle them to, the everything that you do for them... in the end they remember that Mom "enjoys TV".

Chain letters...10 things that make me Happy

Yesterday NuckingFuts Mama challenged me (ok..ok..asked me to play along) to write a 10 things list that was inspired by a "you will certainly die a horrid death if you don't respond" email. Well, we don't want to wish death by shark attack so we are playing as a game..no death threats attached.

I'm going to do Top 10 a la David Letterman

10) Shopping. I love it, it makes me really, really happy. Happy like call some on on A&E because I am surely to be on their next pet reality project. I don't wreck the budget shopping, but when I can I love, love, love it. Here's my crazy: I love shopping at Nordstrom's for an expensive pair of shoes BUT I also love running to Target and picking up 13 T-shirts or beach towels or cleaning products. I'm calling a therapist as I type

9) Sleeping Kids. I love the feeling of the breathe when the kids are asleep. That makes me happy! There is something abut seeing my 1YO's butt sticking up in the air that is pretty awesome. Checking in on my 6 YO with American girl doll clinched gets me every time = pure joy

8) Running. Running makes me giddy. I yearn for time to go and spend time doing nothing but getting my run on! I am also a major pilates junkie and over all gym rat. I have a lot going on in my head..A LOT that is the cluster Fuck that is AWM. The only thing that turns off all of the work shenanigan, the 400 things that aren't complete, the 200 things left to do in the day is to run until there is not a thought in  my head. I know exactly what mile clicks me in to zombie brain and that makes me really happy!

7) Surprises. Hello Happy! OK not the dog took a crap in my Miu Miu's but a genuine surprise. A card in the mail...a sweet craft from the kiddo, flowers at the office, doing the dishes (did you hear that one honey I do appreciate that). I love surprises! 

6) Girlfriends. When you feel like hell..when you feel like life is going to implode girlfriends make me very happy. From a girls night out to a phone call. From sharing a great day to taking a phone call when you are at your lowest girlfriends rock!

5) Gardening. Through a curve ball at you there, didn't I. OK, so what I have a hoe and I like to get dirty, really, really dirty (couldn't resist). Landscaping makes me happy! Not the heavy lifting, but the pretty part. I love a cascading petunia, what can I say! Hydrangeas make me happy!

4) Laughing kids. What is about a laughing kids? Maybe it's the ridiculous, uncontrollable laughter. A tickle fight, a silly game..I just can't get over the smile that pops on my face! 

3)Security. That feeling of just being settled makes me happy. There is nothing better than being able to lay your head down and sleep. That peace rather it be relationship, financially, or work being settled is priceless and makes me very happy. I feel like the stars align and this actually happens about twice a year. Those 2 days a year I am super, super happy!

2) THE BEACH!!! Every time I see coast line I turn back into a 10 year old little girl. Nothing makes me happier (except #1) when my toes hit the sand. It's magic..that squishy feeling of the sand between your toes puts a HUGE smile on my face! An umbrella drink doesn't hurt either!

And the #1 thing that makes AngryworkingMom happy is.....

1) Going to the bathroom alone.

Check out Fucking Nuts Mama's list http://mama2point0.wordpress.com/2010/05/18/ten-things-that-make-me-happy/

The Mother's Day let down

So, every year, I think of this wonderful day with the girls bringing me pancakes in bed like on one of the many freaking commercials that are on the air in the weeks leading up to Mother's Day. And every year, I end the day with an overwhelming sense of being let down. I don't know why I still have this expectation. Maybe it's because it's the one day of the whole flipping year where your husband, your kids, hell even your own Mom can say we appreciate all that you do!

 

That being said, this year - like all the rest - I was soaringly underwhelmed. We headed out to my favorite brunch place (I made the reservations, I got everyone ready..you know the drill). We had a wonderful brunch..until.. well until my husband says "I was thinking about getting you . . .". The rest doesn't matter because I tuned out and was so ticked that I didn't hear it anyway. He is notorious for this. He was thinking that he may blah, freaking blah, blah for me for Mother's Day. Only one problem IT IS FREAKING MOTHER'S DAY. So you weren't thinking you would, you just didn't.

He would argue that he sent flowers on Friday from him and the girls, which was super nice (although it was his way of breaking the ice on a week old argument, but it still counts).

Insertion: There is a website where married women go looking for affairs. The #1 day for women to sign up is the day after Valentine's Day, the #2 day is the day after Mother's day. Not advocating, just a simple point to show that it's not just my husband, but an epidemic of thoughtlessness. 

Is it too much to ask to go to the girls and ask what gift that they would like to get me? Inevitably, it will be some ridiculous item, but it's the thought that counts, and it's sweet because it came from the kids in their tiny little minds. OK, my 6 YO wants to get me a shake weight, but outside of that the bright pink, ginourmous, ugly earrings are super sweet coming from a kid who thinks Hannah Montana is a fashion icon. But not this year, this year I got a "hey, I was thinking of getting you . . ." followed up with a "I guess I'll take the kids to my mother's house."  So yea, I sat by myself on mother's day. It was nice at first. I ran to the gym, to Target, to the grocery store, but then as I sat in the house alone I thought, is this how it should be?

To end this tirade and also explain where exactly I am coming from, my husband (the day after Mother's day) bought himself a pair of Costa Del Mar's. The really sad part is that I had mentioned wanting a pair of sunglasses for Mother's Day and thought that he bought them for me.

Here's the thing guys: We aren't asking for much. Seriously, not much. It's more about the gesture.. that you get that we do 10 fold what you do because we are the Mom. And hey, we are fine with that BUT on the ONE day out of the whole damn year where you have an opportunity to express that, DO IT.

Guilt

No one knows guilt like the working Mom. A whore in church has nothing on this Mom. It's something that we try to push back and not think about but it's always there chomping at the bit to bring even the strongest to their knees.

There are too many stories to share. It's an every day occurrence. My 1 YO is well one and you think whoa, this has flown past and I wasn't there for every single second of it. My 6 YO says Mom are you coming to field day? Well honey let me check the almighty calendar..No, I'll be in DC on field day.

From the over compensating weekend craft-a-poo-looza to the over the top parties I throw for the neighborhood kids it's all about guilt; so when I heard the following my heart melted and I had an all time low moment.

I over heard a Mom talking about my kid. First I normally would have flown in to "Momma bear" mode and taken the Bee-yatch down but this time she was really talking about me. The conversation went something like this: "Are you inviting (my kiddo) to the party"? Well my daughter asked me to but no I'm not. The other lady: "Why not"? Well her Mom works..oh yea the other woman says back. She was referring to the logistics of pick up etc and how I couldn't make a 3:30 play date happen.

This 1st really pissed me off, but after that it made me think. I am being judged in a way I had never even known about and it was hitting me in nads. The thing is this: I can't do anything about this. I can't fix this and I can't change it. It is what it is. 

So as a working Mom with aforementioned self-imposed guilt trips galore I just go on, do the best I can, know that I am working (it's not like I put my kids in daycare to go to lunch or play tennis) and make our reality the best that it can be.

You know what I hate...?

You know what I hate?

I hate it when when women who are a couple of years older than I am diminish my abilities as a parent! It happens to me all the time. I was 24 when we had our first. My husband is 10 years older and he was ready. I had friends who had been dealing with infertility for years so I truly thought it would take at least a year to have a baby. Well, it did not! 21 days later I had double lines and my life changed forever.

I was used to this "you are too young to be a mother attitude with my first, but now being 31 with my second I am (frankly) getting pissed at this attitude that I am inexperienced and even unfit to be a mom because I am perceived as the young Mom.

I sat through a dinner tonight listening to dig after dig from a mom who is married to a Dr. who stays at home with her 4 kids. She is a whopping 5 years older than I am.  I knew it was coming and then my friend who is her age said "you know she is just 31". The other lady laughed "Ha" she said  you have no idea"! No idea about what exactly? I have 2 kids, run a business and yes I am fucking 31,sue me!

This is what fuels Angry working Mom! It's the pain in the ass Moms who think that they know more than you because they are (wait for this) 5 years older than you. Seriously!? I guess I kick your ass because I run a business and you stay home? That is just as absurd! 

I am so over all the Moms that think because of what ever reason they have a right to judge other moms! Hey lady: "Screw you"!

She also managed to ask how the two of us knew each other with my friend living in the super duper expensive section of our town and I living in (gasp) the just kind of pricey area. She said it just like that "How do you know each other living in such different neighborhoods"? Really? We live across the street from each other.

OK..just out of full disclosure there were several margaritas served at this dinner! I am typing after 3 so please forgive my grammar! Oh and I am still taking care of 2 kids, running a business and yes I am still just 31!

Recycling! This Mom is doing her part for Earth Day!

So I'm doing my part for Earth Day and recycling (an old post). What!? It's one of my favorites, it ticked my husband off and fired up a whole lot of other wives who's kids would stink too! Besides I've been working for about 1000 hours straight now and I am less than lucid!
 

What the hell is wrong with men? I am shocked over and over at how much women do versus their husbands. We all know it, we all complain about it, and yet it still remains.   The passive aggressive version of the man I married is getting to me. When I ask you to do something (he would argue that I “tell” - semantics), just tell me "I may half ass it, if I get around to it next Tuesday, maybe."  At least if you told me "Hey, screw you, I’m not going to do it," I would know that it’s not going to happen. My ignorance to reality lets me run down the path of thinking hey, he has all day, surely it will get done today. I just don’t get why men think that they don’t have to do anything that isn’t super F’n fun.   So, today I am living like I am a man, and if I were a man… 

• My kids would never have their hair washed (EVER). He just refuses this part of giving the kids a bath.

• I would have a beer with the boys whenever the hell I feel like it. 

• I would never screw with homework or reading with the kids.  Ah, they’ll figure it out.

•  I would leave in the morning as soon as the clock hit 7 no matter how much still needed to happen to get 2 kids out the door- oh, the wife has it. 

• I would have no freaking idea how to clean a tub, a floor, a cabinet, or a dish.  In fact, I would have no idea where a single cleaning product resides. 

• I have no idea what the kids eat. Hey, I might feed em’ but screw paying attention, I’ll just call the wife- she’ll know what to do. 

• To hell with yard work- that’s no fun. We’ll outsource that. 

• I would never wipe my ass or anyone else’s, because for the life of me, I can’t locate the industrial size container of toilet paper. (I’ve received multiple calls at work from the hubby looking for TP, which has been housed in the same utility closet since we moved to the house 6 years ago.) 

• The grocery store, what the hell is that?

•  Our bills- no idea, the wife handles that. 

• Taxes, huh, what do you mean? You have to file taxes? Seriously? Every year? No thanks!  Call my wife. 

• I’d drive a truck that doesn’t have room for a car seat..it doesn’t matter my wife picks up the baby (why do I need a car seat?). 

• Vacation plans? I’d show up, and most likely bitch about something that was planned, but hey as long as I can get a beer when we get there, I’m good.

•  I have no idea where, why or what about just about anything around the house and that’s the way I’d like it. 

• Oh, and I would scratch and fart with complete irreverence for my fellow house mates.

• And after my wife took care of all that crap and tumbled into bed exhausted, I'd still have the nerve to ask her if she wanted to get naked for me!
  

Ah, it's good to be the man . . . with a great wife!  

April Fools!

So I'm a little behind on posts (did I mention the super human Easter Egg Hunt I hosted)..

A little back story on my April Fool's Day prank: We never, ever do April Fool's day gags (ever). This year we have had a year from hell! Between the economy, the government buying GM = no job for my hubs, a new baby, well we will just stop there and say it's been less than fun. Things are actually brightening up. My husband has his old job back and is doing very well, my job has picked up dramatically and the kids are great so why not have a little fun! Oh boy!

I called my husband up to the bathroom in the mist of the morning shuffle (I thought it best to catch him when he was distracted). I simply called him into the bathroom and pointed at the counter top. Holding the coffee mug over my mouth so that he couldn't see me smiling like a hyena I pointed to a pregnancy test on the counter top and walked off. It was one of the digital ones that says "pregnant" so there was no mistaking the results. My very tanned husband turned white, bolted past me and said "It can't be" about 100 times. He freaked, I followed and he nearly passed out cold. I was trying to catch him to say April Fools! Finally I yelled down the hall "Honey, It's April Fools". He marched back towards me and said "Are you sure"? "Your NOT"? "I'm NOT", I said. He didn't speak to me for the rest of the day until he text me about a huge meeting he had later in the day. He very elaborately set up a phone call where he let me over hear his boss fire him. Yep that's how we roll! Terrify the be-jesus out of each other!

I'm smarter than him and got it of course, but kudos honey! Oh and that pregnancy test was from the 1YO.

Holy Stripping Batman!

Can I just rant for a moment?

So I am in a business with all men..ALL men. I may get one or two ladies in the course of the year but that's definitely the exception not the rule. I travel all the freaking time and often have to set meetings on the fly. I use my handy, dandy iphone and boom! I am all knowledgeable about whatever city I am in that day. So here goes my crazy happening for the day that prompted this rant..

If you are going to be strip club in the middle of a really nice area PLEASE, PLEASE do two things. A) name yourself something that indicates that you are in fact a place where naked people will be twirling around a shiny gold apparatus and B) please don't confuse us with categorizing yourself as a restaurant just because you do in fact have some sort of food offering next to the Cristal on the menu.

Just picture:

Hi Mr. CEO of 3 billion dollar defense firm..thank you for finally accepting my meeting invite. I am very much looking forward to taking you to a swanky dinner and hammering out details of our upcoming joint venture. Where would you like to go? ME: I called XYZ's restaurant, and Tokyo's- they both have a reservation for tomorrow night. Would either work?

Response: "Well Tokyo's is a strip club..they do have food there but I think we would be safer at the other place. They have a great fillet..."

Oh my GAWD.. Blushing lady say what??

So to all the strip clubs out there: Please name yourself appropriately. Candies cabaret, The Booby trap..we get it, but to call your self Tokyo's and say that you serve upscale sushi..well, that's just wrong on more levels than I can count!

PS..true story..I still haven't recovered!