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Jun 14, 2010

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angryworkingmom

Ang- Awesome post!

BigLittleWolf

I so get this. I was in my 30s with an established career when I married and had kids. The first few years, I had a babysitter at home during my 8 hours at the office (a scaled back 8 hours); and then a day-care pre-school arrangement (with me dropping them off at 7:30 and picking them up at 6 like you), and I was frequently working into the night - all those corporate hours that couldn't get done during the day.

Then I went to a partial home-office situation, but when my elder son (5 or 6?) called my boss and asked why he wouldn't let his mom be home more often, that broke my heart. I'd been working more than 20 years at that point, changed jobs to take a (lower level) full time corporate position that allowed for 95% home office work. The mad juggle I kept up for years. Full time stay-at-home mom, full-time employee still putting in 60+ hours. NUTS.

There's no 'win' in any of this for many of us. We want to participate fully in raising our children; we also don't want to lose the foothold in our careers (for various reasons, like financial survival as well as self-esteem). And we live in a culture in which motherhood remains a battlefield, on so many levels, with no infrastructure to support us if we don't have family.

Sorry to run on. I get this. The silver lining? Our kids, as we parent them, see them grow strong and grounded. Knowing we did that job responsibly.

angryworkingmom

BigLitteWolf-

Well said! You are so right! There really is no win, win in this for many of us. I think it would be easier if I hated my job or didn't have a career or a business that I ran. That decision would be easy, but for me I feel guilty for missing things, I feel guilty that I love my career..basically I feel screwed (hence the Angry..;))

Korinthia Klein

I run my own business and since school let out for summer I have all three kids with me all the time. It's definitely not ideal because too many days I feel as if I'm not able to focus on any one thing as well as I'd like. There's guilt that comes with the work-at-home parent territory, too.

But the amazing thing I've noticed about parenting is that those little moments (like when the baby smiles at you after hours of keeping you up at night being fussy) somehow cancel out the long stretches of frustration or boredom. I have good moments at work but they're not the same. When my daughter snuggles up and tells me she loves me it makes everything okay no matter what came before.

In any case, lovely post, and I'm glad you were able to realize what you would regret missing before it was too late to do something about it. I wish you the best of luck with the new challenges that lie ahead and I hope you get to enjoy many a cute field trip.

Jen

Great post! I think so many of us can relate to this.

I worked full time when I had my first. After a few years, I cut back to part time. But when I got pregnant with my second, I quit. That was over five years ago.

It was a rather difficult adjustment at first. There was a little bit o' culture shock. I mean previous quitting, all my friends were 'work' friends. I didn't even know my neighbors that well because I was never home.

But as time went on, I got used to it. I was able to create something that worked for me and my family.

Now I'd be lying if I said there haven't been dark times where I've struggled with losing myself in the role of mommy. But dark times happen no matter what situation you're in, right?!

Angela, congrats on making a decision that works for you and your family.

angryworkingmom

Korintha- I agree completely with you and for the most part feel the exact same way. I in know way think that the those wonderful kiddo moments (which are often so few and far between) compare with work achievements. I do need to work for many reasons: financially, sense of accomplishment, identity and to provide. We could not survive on one income. BUT don't for a second think that work fulfills me. I wish we could have it all..I wish we could have it both ways..I wish that there were an extra 10 hours in every day so that I could be everything to everybody...the wish that all working Moms have! Oh and KUDDOS to working full time at home with the kids!

angryworkingmom

Jen- thanks for stopping by and commenting!

I'm on baby #2 and can still make it happen, but it's not pretty. The craziness that happens to make it to little things during the school day (who am I kidding the craziness to make it out the door with two kids every day) is some times overwhelming! I completely see Angela's point where she couldn't come to anything, ever and it makes you feel like a real shitty Mom! Trust me I'm the queen bee at feeling this way. I try to make it to everything that I think is important but will never ever be able to do it all!

Did I emphasize that it "ain't" pretty! I am the most together person at my job..I'm not the most together person in the rest of my life. I'm constantly saying Oh shit! I forgot the field trip money or Oh God I didn't make kiddos lunch last night. Some how it all comes together and I don't THINK the kids notice...

Angela

Thank you for all the positive feedback on the post. If AWM will let me, maybe I can post one every once in a while from the AWM turned stay-at-home mom (SAHM).

AWM


IAngela- anytime! You certainly have unique perspective fop

AWM


Angela- anytime! I really enjoyed your perspective from AWM to SAHM!!

SaucyB

I really enjoyed this post so much. I am going through a similar situation myself. My job has begun to require much more travel than an I want or am willing to do. (I have a 4 Y.O.) I've come to terms with what i'm willing to give to my job without short changing my family. And if that means I get fired, then so be it!
I was also always very driven, Miss "Next Stop the Corner Office". But you know what? Priorities change. And while I don't think I would be satisfied with being at home, I have given a great deal of thought to taking an Admin Assistant type job that is just that, a job. Where i clock in, clock out and leave my cares at the desk when i leave for the day. Thanks again for illuminating this struggle.

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